«This is dedicated to the one I love» says a lovely song called «Love Parade» played by a band named Dream Academy. ¿Do you enjoy pop music sir? Lets say Pet Shop Boys or Madonna for example, Village People maybe. ¿Do you remember president Trump dancing «YMCA»? One more, ¿did you happen to listen a song named «Puto» composed by a mexican band called Molotov? Probably not. Well then, Mr. Ambassador, here we are united by this letter which I’m quite certain you’re going to read, much better if you do it in bed with your husband like two little birds, not to say two little dicks. Sorry, sometimes I can be rude but still have some manners. Since kindergarten to 8th grade I was a student at the American School of Asunción (ASA), then moved to Buenos Aires where I graduated at St. George’s College, an english boarding school, binary of course, boys and girls, don’t remember any other type those days, the seventies. It was considered, and still is, one of the best schools in the world and one of the most expensive too. No, my family wasn’t that rich, it wasn’t even rich, it was the strength of the «Guarani» thanks to Stroessner’s policy in keeping its value high by controlling the national budget against the argentine currency which almost was worth nothing, cheap as toilet paper, like the Washington Post, you know.
During those years at College I discovered english literature and loved it, the first two books I read were «Animal Farm» by George Orwell and «Lord of the Flies» by William Golding, Literature Nobel prize winner, is not that I care much about that, worse these days that Bob Dylan won one. I love Dylan Thomas though, the welsh poet who inspired the pseudonym of the singer. I always remember his sentence: «I am a welshman, I am a drunkard, I am a lover of the human race, specially of women». After finishing school I moved on to England and lived in Oxford while studying at Warnborough College for a season.
So: «I am a jew, I am a zionist, I am a paraguayan citizen and a women lover, especially of my fellow country girls». ¿How about you?, ¿what would you say in Dylan’s context? Let me guess: «I am american, I am gay, a dick lover, especially my husband’s», ¿like it? Otherwise, it can be rudely said: «I am an ugly american, a fucking faggot, a dick lover, specially big ones» ¿How about that? Heavy ¿uh?
The issue here Mr. Ostfield is that you were rude to the people of this country from the get go, you disrespected them since you landed here and you know it because you did it on purpose, so, you don’t deserve any. Even though I am showing a lot of respect writing this letter in english so nobody can understand it, its between you and me, just the two of us, sweetie.
Here people call me «the Godfather », that really shows some respect ¿doesn’t it?, you also have a nickname, yep, they call you «Significativamente Puto» and you wonder why that is. The acronym would be «Sip», that’s better. We can’t help it with the nicknames ¿can we?, not our decision, is like a secular baptism from the society we live in.
THE UGLY AMERICAN
I suppose you know something about this novel written by Eugene Burdick and William Lederer, if you dont you must, considering your job. The film version was directed by George Englund and starred the best movie actor ever; Marlon Brando, back in 1963. Is a political novel that depicts the failures of the U.S. diplomatic corps in Southeast Asia, first published in 1958.
«Ugly American» is a stereotype depicting American citizens as exhibiting loud, arrogant, demeaning, thoughtless, ignorant, and ethnocentric behavior mainly abroad, but also at home. Although the term is usually associated with or applied to travelers and tourists, it also applies to U.S. corporate businesses in the international arena» nice review, not my words but I agree 100%. The book caused a sensation in diplomatic circles and had major political implications to the extent that «The Peace Corps» was established during the Kennedy administration partly as a result of the text. The bestseller has remained continuously in print and is one of the most influential American political novels.
Well dear, you are all that and more, the very ugly American, that is because you’ve added this proselytizing of your «sexual orientation» when nobody asked and is not relevant to your diplomatic function. You came from the land of the brave to the land of the lukewarm where you can pretend something you’ll never be, a macho man. Only in this scenery but definitely not in Siria ¿right? There, you and your husband will be thrown off the cliff and finish like scrambled eggs on the floor. But here, Mark, you behave like the landlord of the whole country treating members of the administration like employees who shamely accept the humiliation. Actually, they really work for you and not for the people of this country. We don’t have a president but a regent guarding an agenda which is not in our interest but in yours. ¿Am I lying? You don’t fool me and hardly fool anybody, the problem is, as I said, this is the land of the lukewarms. ¿Can you imagine our ambassador in Washington calling the Attorney General to work together and have meetings with the republican and democrat candidates alike so they can plan common agendas? So, ¿what the hell are you doing? and ¿who the fuck you think you are? Let me tell you. You don’t represent the American people at all but an illegitimate and corrupt government headed by a talking horse who’s going down now. I suppose you know about the Corvette scandal. Waiting in line, this stupid multiethnic slut named Kambala. This garbage is what you represent being yourself a weirdo. And don’t call me homophobic or else I’ll call you a «cuntfobic». And about your VP, let me quote some words of Thomas Paine here, the man, the writer who ignited the American Revolution with his pamphlet «Common Sense», something you declared war on: «He who doesn’t dare to offend can’t be honest».
Finally, I challenge you to have a public or private debate, maybe with a cup of coffee. ¿Who am I? Well, you know the phrase «We the people», I am one of them, from Paraguay, and Borges said: «One man is every man and every man is one man». ¿Who are you? Not even a man, and let me finish with this, don’t know about the rest, but here, at home, at least, you’re going to respect me.
Regards to your husband
